Mental Health

I measure my mental health with bus journeys. Sound crazy? Well, I did say MENTAL health! It's quite simple really, if I'm happy and nothings really bothering me I can get off a bus without really thinking about it, it's natural. If something's bothering me or I'm a bit down I get this urge to stay on the bus and just ride forever and it sounds stupid but I really don't wanna get off! If I'm really depressed or something huge is bothering me then I spend the entire bus journey convincing myself that I really do have to get off and can even get a bit panicky when I know my stop is coming up. You're right, it is crazy. But craziness aside, it's a really simple way to keep a check on the state of my brain as I get buses quite a lot. Interestingly (with the exception of work, but I think that's normal) it's only when I'm going home that this problem arises, never when I'm on my way to town or hospital or whatever and can even bother me when we're in a group, like heading back to Uni from the supermarket. Luckily the other day when I was coming home and had a mild urge to not get off the bus it was merely because I knew I had a bad headache coming on, not because there was anything serious wrong (assuming you don't think that spending a day in so much pain that banging your head actually makes you feel better nothing serious).

Not everybody has such healthy methods of gauging their mental health or, sadly, the self awareness to recognise danger signs. I know some people (if you're reading you know who you are and I'm sorry) who don't realise until it's too late. For example, I can always tell when one friend is having problems because she looses weight, yet she never says anything is bothering her...ofcourse there's always the possibility that she has realised somethings up and just hasn't said anything...maybe she's waiting for me to say something? The intricacies of the female mind will always baffle me, and I am a woman! How men are expected to cope is beyond me, but ofcourse I do expect them to cope! I do have some friends who have quite good warning signs: one gets physical symptoms before she gets depressed however often doesn't know what she's depressed about and another who you can tell when she's stressed or depressed because she doesn't come out of her room. I guess my rel question is - what the hell is up with us? Why do we all need signs to tell us we're depressed, shouldn't we be able to tell anyway? And why are we all so depressed all the time? The worlds a wonderful place isn't it? Well, anyone who thinks that needs to go watch the film My Name Is Khan then you'll see that the world is essentially shit but to be honest I don't think that's why we're depressed. We all have our own different problems and different reasons, ranging from just born that way to terrible parents to (talking for myself here) weird medical issues. But, to ask another question, if opposites attract, why do I, a long term depression sufferer, keep attracting other depressed people? I swear all my friends are headcases, mostly in good ways, and I'm definitely a headcase...Not that I'm complaining, I love my friends and wouldn't swap them for the entire world it's just odd you know?

Anyway, I totally went off the point I sat down to write about. To bring it back to said point it's this: mental health issues affect everybody in one way or another, whether they know it or not, from having that slightly off friend, the mother who takes little yellow pills, your own little yellow pills or the crazy guy who tells you the world is ending when you're trying to buy a newspaper and yet so many people are still prejudiced against people who have mental health problems making them something that's difficult to talk about. On yet another side note (but more related this time), I often get the feeling that some friends (especially the afore mentioned one who looses weight when stressed) don't want to talk about their problems to me because they think I have worse problems and wouldn't want to hear about it which is stupid cos I'm their friend BUT even stupider cos I do the same thing with one of my friends! I mean not all the time but sometimes I don't want to call her and mope about my life cos I know hers are worse which is incredibly stupid cos she's my best friend and I know she'd listen, I mean if she wouldn't she wouldn't be much of a friend now would she? I mean there's a time and a place, I wouldn't have complained about my headaches or getting the blues at my friends Mum's funeral, or right after, but I can do so.

So my point is this: talk about it! Whether it's in a public forum to raise awareness or just to your friends so they can help you get through things. Mental health issues are nothing to be ashamed of. So, here goes: I have had problems with depression for just over 7 years and have mild aspergers autism and am not ashamed to say it.